Coping with spouse and porn

coping with spouse and porn


We had what I considered a good marriage. Our family and faith were the focal point of our lives. Our six years together had not always been easy, but I was confident we could meet any challenge. Although I had once suffered from clinical depression, I knew almost nothing about mental illness and never considered it would nearly destroy our family in the year that followed.

The breakdown began as what seemed like a testosterone overdose. Several times a day William became obsessed over women and sex. Try as he might to rid himself of the thoughts, which he found repulsive and frightening, the stronger the thoughts became, and they were soon consuming several hours a day. In the middle of the night he would sneak into the living room and watch snippets of pornography on the scrambled cable channels. During the celebration of our sixth anniversary, while I shopped for champagne, William was slipping pornography from street corner vending machines.

Of course he kept this problem a secret for six months, leaving me only to wonder why our sex life seemed to vaporize into successive nights of rejection. When he finally confessed his problem to me, I was horrified. I do not know if the subject matter or the months of deception were more painful. He promised to stop--to do whatever it took to get our relationship back on track. Through our Bible study leader we arranged a meeting with the pastor and his wife. The meeting proved uneventful as William's sorrow at his actions and promises of change left the pastor convinced that no further intervention was necessary.

"Why think that way?" the pastor's wife replied. "Why not think, 'What if it doesn't happen?' God's the one who's in control. Things are going to get better for you both. I know it."

"I see little girls out on the playground, and I get these really awful thoughts that scare me. Like, what if I'm a child molester?" William said one day.

Mourning the Death of a Spouse | National Institute on Aging

coping with spouse and porncoping with spouse and porn

The death of a spouse is the ultimate marriage crisis. One day you are married. The next day you are single, alone and grieving. Nothing is forever. The bottom line is that you will need to know how to journey on this rough passage, through a maze of details , decisions, forms to fill out, shock, loneliness, anger, confusion, fear, a broken heart , and depression. However, there can also be acceptance and new beginnings.

 "Everyone will someday lose everything they have ever loved or cared for. That’s the truth of life itself ... But our grief is not simply about losing a loved one or facing our own mortality. Whether it’s losing a job, a marriage, a dream, or our youth, we all have had our hearts broken. Each of has lost our innocence, and made mistakes, and done harm and been harmed along the way. We all have with our individual stories of the when, where, how, what, and who of our heartbreaks.. Each of our stories is tenderly unique and yet all of us have a story ... grief is the human condition; the tie that binds us all together." David Treadway, Ph.D.,  "Good Grief: Celebrating the Sorrows of Our Lives."  on PsychologyToday.com (2012)

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross wrote many years ago about the "stages of grieving": denial (shock), bargaining, anger, depression, and acceptance. It is important to realize that these stages don't have any particular order and that some people may find themselves back in a stage they thought they had already conquered.

These stages are a normal part of grief. Do not allow yourself to get caught up with having to do things within a certain time frame. You will know the right time to empty drawers and closets and deal with personal items like wallets and purses. Wait until you are ready.

Tears contain leucine-enkephalin which is one of the brains' natural pain relievers. Tears also contain a hormone that encourages the secretion of tears - prolactin. Women have more prolactin than men, which is one of the reasons why they can cry more than men.

We had what I considered a good marriage. Our family and faith were the focal point of our lives. Our six years together had not always been easy, but I was confident we could meet any challenge. Although I had once suffered from clinical depression, I knew almost nothing about mental illness and never considered it would nearly destroy our family in the year that followed.

The breakdown began as what seemed like a testosterone overdose. Several times a day William became obsessed over women and sex. Try as he might to rid himself of the thoughts, which he found repulsive and frightening, the stronger the thoughts became, and they were soon consuming several hours a day. In the middle of the night he would sneak into the living room and watch snippets of pornography on the scrambled cable channels. During the celebration of our sixth anniversary, while I shopped for champagne, William was slipping pornography from street corner vending machines.

Of course he kept this problem a secret for six months, leaving me only to wonder why our sex life seemed to vaporize into successive nights of rejection. When he finally confessed his problem to me, I was horrified. I do not know if the subject matter or the months of deception were more painful. He promised to stop--to do whatever it took to get our relationship back on track. Through our Bible study leader we arranged a meeting with the pastor and his wife. The meeting proved uneventful as William's sorrow at his actions and promises of change left the pastor convinced that no further intervention was necessary.

"Why think that way?" the pastor's wife replied. "Why not think, 'What if it doesn't happen?' God's the one who's in control. Things are going to get better for you both. I know it."

"I see little girls out on the playground, and I get these really awful thoughts that scare me. Like, what if I'm a child molester?" William said one day.

One of the most difficult moments in a senior’s life is losing a spouse or close loved one. Although it can be difficult for everyone in the family, it’s important that you’re there for your loved one during this emotional time while they are coping with a loss.

To prevent your loved one from experiencing depression from elderly grief because of loss of a spouse, there are a few steps that professionals recommend taking. Ensuring that he or she is surrounded by people who care and that a healthy, active lifestyle is still a goal is essential during the mourning process. Keep these three tips in mind as you help your loved one cope with elderly grief from loss of a spouse.

1. Stay busy and healthy
According to the National Institute of Aging, while your loved one is grieving and coping with a loss, there may be side effects such as difficulty sleeping , loss of appetite and problems concentrating. Therefore, it’s crucial that you’re checking up on your loved one regularly to make sure he or she is taking care of him- or herself. Is he or she sticking with a daily routine? This helps to keep your loved one busy and prevent him or her from falling into the trap of negative thoughts.

One of the most well-known strategies to prevent depression is exercise. As one of the greatest stress relievers and ways to keep the mind fresh, a quick walk or game of tennis can significantly improve your loved one’s mind set. This will also make it easier for him or her to sleep at night.

2. Be social
One thing that older adults tend to do after a spouse has passed is isolate themselves. Although it’s important to allow your loved one to have some time alone to process everything and grieve privately, make sure that he or she isn’t permanently distancing him- or herself from friends or family. According to the NIA, one of the most helpful coping techniques a mourning adult can turn to is expressing his or her feelings to close friends or family who want to listen.

“The loss of a job can put the vow ‘for better or for worse’ to the test. Unemployment rates high on the list, along with death and divorce, as one of life’s top stress-inducing events. Fortunately, there are plenty of resources and guidance for those coping with their own unemployment. But what about the rest of the family? Unemployment impacts spouses and children, too.” (Roberta Rand)

“Nobody likes to think about being unemployed. But it’s a state that’s more and more common. Whether due to corporate ‘right-sizing,’ termination, or career change, it’s always an uneasy time. What causes the stress? First, the spouse who’s lost his or her job may have suffered a serious blow to the identity. This is especially true for husbands, since most men largely define themselves by their work. They also tend to believe that the husband’s earnings are the family’s primary income, whether that belief is stated or not.

“Second, many couples haven’t saved enough money to get them through a prolonged period of unemployment. Running out of money is a real possibility, depending on how long joblessness lasts. So is going into debt with credit cards or losing a house if you default on a mortgage. All this weighs heavily on both partners, especially the one who feels most responsible to ‘win the bread.” (Sandra Lundberg, from the book,  The First Five Years of Marriage )

Coping when your spouse is unemployed can be difficult for any married partners. It’s especially difficult when the challenges are overwhelming and are coming at you from all sides. This type of situation works over-time on your mind and how you interact as husband and wife.

“I heard the garage door opening. It was only 5 o’clock. Don certainly was home early. Lately he had been working long days, much too long. ‘I sure hope they appreciate his hard work,’ I often thought. ‘He deserves to come home early one day. I’m so glad he’s finally doing it.’

| Free porn |